Comparing in the Right Way
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In everything we do, we compare ourselves to others. Whether it comes to our work, appearance, how well we can drive a car, or how good of a friend we are.
Comparing is normal, and while it’s a tendency also shown by other animals, humans have perfected it. It’s simply a part of our everyday lives.
If we take a look at how we compare ourselves to others, we generally do this in one of two ways. We can compare downwards, with someone who is like us in some way or another (e.g. same age, same profession, etc.) but is ‘lesser’ in the subject we’re comparing in.
Often, this makes us feel good about ourselves. If I feel particularly well-dressed and compare my appearance to another guy of similar age who is wearing the same clothes as yesterday, I’ll feel better about myself.
We can also compare upwards. This happens when we compare a feature or characteristic with someone who is (often a lot) better than us.
On the one hand, this can have an averse effect; if I would consistently compare my entrepreneurial results with those of Elon Musk, I’ll always fall short. This will make me feel worse about myself.
However, by comparing upwards, the person you’re comparing with may also serve as a motivator. Elon Musk’s work is used by millions of people around the world as inspiration, as he shows us that Mars missions and self-driving cars are possible.
But the interesting thing is not that there are these two ways of comparing, but that we can actively change the way how and who we compare ourselves to.
That means that we can actively compare downwards or upwards, depending on our needs. For instance, let’s say you’re currently learning a new language, such as French. If you compare your level of French to a friend who has lived in France half his life, you will always fall short. Then again, her level of French can serve as inspiration and clarify the level you want to reach.
Alternatively, from time to time you can also compare your French with a friend who doesn’t speak as much French as you do. This shows you just how far you’ve gotten, and can make you feel good about your achievements.
So the right way to go about this is to actively choose. Choose who you want to compare yourself to, and decide for yourself if that is a fair comparison to make.
Reflect on your comparisons, and compare actively, instead of passively (i.e. when it ‘just comes to mind’). In this way, we can change our way of thinking and improve how we think about and see ourselves.
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